I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
