OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
