Please, let me fuck your mom
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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