toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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