i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
