True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
