i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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