we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
