is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
