I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
