Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
it was like eating out sand paper
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
So many bounce houses so little time
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
