I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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