4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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