booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
