I puked a lego.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
