My friends, they love my intelligence
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
