ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
