Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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