I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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