There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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