Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
