I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Found your dick twin last night
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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