Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
