Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
