I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
