I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
