Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
