Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
