Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
