i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
