Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I currently don't understand fingers.
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