so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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