I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
