he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
