Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
