I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
