this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
