Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
we're so committed to being not committed
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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