Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
