I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
