So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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