so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I did not marry a roomba.
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