Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
