he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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