There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
