I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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