Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
