I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
