You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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