oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
